I Just Want My Last Thought To Be A Good One…

Allright, Im wirting in english today because… well, I don’t know. I just do. It’s probably easier for me to express myself in this language. And it adds a little bit of surreality to it.

However, this is another one of my bigger tragedies in my life. It says that lovers come an go, but friends stay. Well, I wouldn’t sign that. First of all because there weren’t too many lovers in my life and second of all every now and then a friend leaves. This time it’s different. Usually I’m not the one to go for all or nothing, but this time I felt like I had to and, guess what, I got nothing.

To be honest, i don’t have too many friends in Frankfurt. Probably not even a handfull. However, I lost the one that was most important to me. Lost is quite the wrong word I sent him away. For his own good. I know you’re probably never goint to read it, but still the next few words are just for you.

I love you. You are (or have been) my best friend. You know I’m not that fine in Frankfurt, probably because I’m a little lonely. I would love to still be friends with you but I just can’t. It hurts so bad. You just don’t know what I’m going through right now. Well, most likely you do. I never meant to hurt you. In fact, knowing that you’re feeling jsut the samt pain I am is what makes it the hardest. I need you with me but I just can’t let go of it. I hate myself for that. Well, I hate myself for quite a lot of things, but I really hate myself for not being able to be friends with you. Me withdrawing is you’re only chance to be happy and for what it’s worth I really need to know you are. And I know you will. Maybe in a year or two from now I will see you somewhere to see how happy you are. We’ve been through a lot. I miss you. I will never forget the last year. I’m grateful i got to spend so much time with you and you will always stay in heart as the best man I’ve ever met. I wish I would have know it’s been the last time I saw you. Then I would have tried to keep the memory of your face a lot better. Of your smell. Your kiss. I love you. Always will.

To the rest of you: Don’t ask me what this is about. Out of your business.

Regards, Christoph